So, if you haven't seen this article entitled "You try living on 500k in this town", go read it now. Try to be quick - I know you'll have to pause, at first for laughter, towards the end for vomiting. I'll wait.
First, I'll acknowledge the fact that this is a hilarious joke. I mean, the person writing it had to have been like "This will win awards for its irony if I can get my editor drunk enough to run it." Granted, it's in the 'Fashion & Style' section - so it's not exactly hard hitting journalism, but still, it is The New York Times, not Cosmo. If our buddy Alan Salkin was being dead serious in writing this, he is part of that eccentric, disconnected NY elite that could walk onto the set of Gossip Girl and no one would even notice. These people should really be in some type of exhibit, like a cross between Spaceship Earth and a zoo. This might be their only option if the downturn continues. I'd pay to see it.
Having been born in NY, and growing up in the NYC area, and attempting to live there on less than 30k a year not so long ago (which, I'll point out, I was successful at), I didn't immediately scoff when reading the title. NYC is tremendously expensive, and I know shit about economics. Maybe they're going to show me some fancy math that will mean it actually is difficult to live on 500k a year in NY (although pretty much everyone I know does it). But surely, even if the math does pan out, they're not honestly going to ask me to feel sorry for these people? I mean, they're technically the reason we're trying to surf through this economic shit storm, no? And on top of that, aren't we supposed to be feeling sorry for the people that don't have jobs at all?
It's laughable before it even gets to using complete sentences:
"Private school: $32,000 a year per student"
What? Private school? Did it occur to you that might have to go? I know that private school is prestigious and all, but THE SKY IS FALLING. Your kid will do fine in public school - if you're making 500k a year, the likelihood is that they'll do pretty well actually. In fact, I daresay the shock would do them good.
It only gets worse from there - a full time nanny? Um, what is this nanny doing while your kid is sneaking a cigarette in the private school bathroom? Your laundry? Well, maybe do it yourself? ....????
So after going through all these ridiculous things, including the fact (stated as if it should make your heart bleed) that many execs making $2-3 million break even at the end of a year, the article states what most people thought when they saw the title:
"Sure, the solution may seem simple: move to Brooklyn or Hoboken, put the children in public schools and buy a MetroCard."
UM, YES. Or move ANYWHERE but Manhattan and you will get more square footage for your money (and perhaps better public schools if you move out of NYC). And fire the nanny, asshole. Try daycare? YMCA? Boys & Girls Clubs*?
This modicum of sense is fleeting:
But more than a few of the New York-based financial executives who would have their pay limited are men (and they are almost invariably men) whose identities are entwined with living a certain way in a certain neighborhood west of Third Avenue: a life of private schools, summer houses and charity galas that only a seven figure income can stretch to cover.
First of all, what does being being a man have to do with it? Oh no! We can't possibly mess with the identity of rich white guys! It's really fragile. These are MEN. They can't take a pay cut. Nevermind that men already make more than women, and certainly in the financial sector. The underlying implication is that for some reason in this whole clusterfuck, we need to take a moment and make sure no ones feelings are being hurt - and not just anyone, the people involved in the very architecture of the shitshow. God forbid they get hit by any debris.
Also, I doubt I'd be blogging from Scotland right now if my MOM hadn't been a New York-based financial executive (she retired about a year ago). In case you missed that connection, my Mom is a woman. I get that more executives are men (my Mom can attest to this), but this little qualifier implies that the women involved in taking a pay cut would be happy to just go home and bake. Their identities will be fine! The job they've had to work ten times as hard to get than most men really has nothing to do with their identity. It's not like they've spent their adult lives making sacrifices for a powerful career; only men do that. The women will only take a hit cause they can't have $15,000 gowns to go to the galas! My gowns! Nooooooo!!!!
Lastly, maybe the summer house and the charity gala will have to go altogether (that takes care of the gown problem!). Cry me a fucking river. Go to Coney Island. Fine, it sucks to change your lifestyle - but at least you have a JOB. You should not complain in public. Cry into your walk-in closet of Armani suits. You should be ashamed. Do you think all the people being laid off right now get to be like,
"Oooh, you know what though? I'm afraid I won't be able to maintain my lifestyle if you fire me. Pizza night every Friday is really important, I don't think my kids will stand for it being replaced by rations of Ramen. I'm gonna have to go ahead and deny your firing."
See, now that is actually depressing. Moving to Brooklyn, sending your kids to public school, and cutting down on your gala attendance is not. Moreover, it wouldn't go over so well to tell your boss you're refusing a firing. I think you might be committed. So, guess what assholes, you're fired. It's not that other people think $500k is a lot of money and you know the real truth, it's that $500k is a lot of money, and you just don't know how to use it.
Whine about it in the Fashion & Style section all you want - but its a terrible idea. I haven't really heard anyone suggest that $500k is too high, but throw around figures like this and it makes even me feel like it's too much. It makes me want to exile them to Delaware with a $30k salary and force them to wear prom dresses from Deb. The men too. How would that effect their identity?
So you know, if Salkin is actually offering, I'd love to try living on $500k in NY. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't find it that hard.
*If you know me, I suggest this in half jest. You know why.
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